Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting.
~By Bill Gates ~
It's to paint directly on the canvas without any funny business, as it were, and I use almost pure turpentine to start with, adding oil as I go along until the medium becomes pure oil. I use as little oil as I can possibly help, and that's my method.
~By Edward Hopper ~
I joke around a lot about the manic times because they're funny. We manics do outrageous things and it is part of our colorful nature.
~By Patty Duke ~
I think back to some of the things Harry said and some of the things I said trying to be funny. If I said them now, it would be on the front page of every newspaper in the country.
~By Jack Buck ~
It's so funny how my name has always been such a big deal. When I was growing up, my family was always moving. I had to meet new people all the time. And they'd laugh.
~By Calista Flockhart ~
You know, he would go and look at different funny books because he wanted his character to be different and make different faces. I saw a funny book in his room and it looked like the same character he was playing. It was about a duck.
~By Bubba Smith ~
When you're out of sight for as long as I was, there's a funny feeling of betrayal that comes over people when they see you again.
~By Esther Williams ~
What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a sissy in junior high school wanted me to be their best friend because they wanted to meet all the girls that I knew in figure skating.
~By Scott Hamilton ~
I have a funny name.
~By Pia Zadora ~
Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.
~By Susan Sontag ~
Is it spoken word? Kinda, but that's a weird area. Is it comedy? Well, it's funny but no, it's not comedy.
~By Bruce McCulloch ~
I believe, in a funny way, the job of the novelist is to be out there on the fringes and speaking for an experience that has not really been spoken for.
~By Donna Tartt ~
Nowadays they have 12 directors and 15 producers and 30 writers. And all the writers want their lines said a certain way-which isn't necessarily funny. I mean the lines aren't necessarily so funny to begin with.
~By Tim Conway ~
Acting is all about big hair and funny props... All the great actors knew it. Olivier knew it, Brando knew it.
~By Harold Ramis ~
I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information.
~By Samantha Bee ~
Well, I had said to my friends, it's going to be good, but I bet it's going to be cheesy in a way. And I didn't think that at all. It's so good and was just so funny.
~By Brittany Snow ~
Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not.
~By James Lipton ~
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
~By Steve Martin ~
The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.
~By Jo Brand ~
If you look at the game and everything, it's not quite like looking at an animated film, because that's total character. This, this is really movement, but it's got funny little things if you look for the humor. They're actually getting to the character.
~By Don Bluth ~
Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.
~By Garry Shandling ~
Now that I'm more mature, in a funny way, I can even appreciate that I've bad to become more aware of my body. Since I've chosen acting as my career, I have to keep my weight down anyway-I've been used to it for years, so it's no problem. And there's nothing I can't do.
~By Dana Hill ~
I think it's so funny when people think they can't control a movie star. They can. We're just women, you know.
~By Esther Williams ~
You asked what is the secret of a really good sketch. And it is a sketch is a small play. It's got a beginning, and a middle and an end. It should have a plot; it should have the characters, conflict. It is a little play. And in it, will be funny stuff.
~By Harvey Korman ~
We sit in a room for months trying to think of funny things.
~By David Walliams ~
It's funny, we all really, really got along. I don't know how it was in years past but this year, I was really with a good group of people. No one tried to sabotage each other or steal the other ones moments.
~By LaToya London ~
If you have an impulse, not if you're going to ruin someone elses' scene, if you have an impulse of a funny little add-on or taking something in a weird direction, try it.
~By Rachel Dratch ~
I'd so much rather people think I was funny than pretty.
~By Kristen Johnston ~
No one ever thought Clint Eastwood was funny, but he was.
~By Annie Leibovitz ~
It was funny, when I thought of it afterward, how Ruth and Gehrig looked as they stood there. The Babe must have been waiting for me to get the ball up a little so he could get his bat under it.
~By Carl Hubbell ~
But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know.
~By Charlie Sheen ~
If it bends, it's funny; if it breaks, it's not funny.
~By Kate O'Brien ~
I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.
~By Will Ferrell ~
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
~By Jerry Seinfeld ~
When Frank the Pug is singing I Will Survive, the only reason it's funny is that Will is in that shot trying not to get angry. A shot of a dog singing I Will Survive on its own will not get a laugh.
~By Barry Sonnenfeld ~
The funny thing is, people's perceptions of what a song is about is usually wrong a majority of the time. But they're still going to read what they want to into it.
~By Vince Gill ~
I always approach comedy roles pretending they aren't funny.
~By Brendan Fraser ~
If I ever do anything, it actually might be some fantasy elf thing or even some cute, funny thing. Just to do something a little bit out of the ordinary. I've done my superhero gig.
~By Todd McFarlane ~
I think I am a star - I'm simply a funny-shaped star.
~By Malcolm Wilson ~
We've finally told the world that this is sports entertainment, and I think one of the best forms of entertainment is anything that's fun or funny, something that you really enjoy watching or listening to.
~By Jerry Lawler ~
But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone.
~By Garry Shandling ~
I know some people say I can be funny. But there is always a deeper meaning to what I say. I am a socialist at heart and have the interests of the poor in mind. When people see how I manage to work my way out of tough situations, it gives them hope in their own life.
~By Lalu Prasad Yadav ~
I just heard a very funny story about somebody who died yesterday, I'm sorry to say so but it was so absurd that you can't help laughing. And the person that was concerned about that story was laughing too.
~By Sophie Marceau ~
I love playing a dad. It's hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.
~By Peter Gallagher ~
If you can be funny, it means you're intelligent. Your brain is working fast.
~By Amber Valletta ~
I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things.
~By Todd Barry ~
If you can find the line between sympathetic and creepy, you have reached a very funny area.
~By Jason Segel ~
My parents are both very funny but they're also relatively soft-spoken, normal human beings while I'm just a lunatic. I don't know where this loud, ballsy, hammy ridiculousness came from. I'm just glad I followed my goals and my parents did too. It's not like we even had a plan when I dragged my mom to Los Angeles.
~By Emma Stone ~
He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.
~By Colin Quinn ~
Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.
~By Bob Saget ~
We sat down and told stories that happened to us in our childhood, to our children. They were all basically based on the truth. These stories were funny and poignant to us. They just took off. These are all stories from my life.
~By Howie Mandel ~
But movies as much as anything developed what I thought was right and wrong, what was honorable, what wasn't, what was funny what wasn't... what had some depth to it, what didn't.
~By Dabney Coleman ~
I guess the producers saw me and knew I was literate and I always tried to be alert and it's funny because you have to have a sharpness to do those shows, especially some of the ones I did in later years.
~By June Lockhart ~
The only guaranteed way to make something not very funny is to make it vague.
~By Thomas Lennon ~
Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.
~By Rob Corddry ~
It's a real primal thing, watching someone get hurt. It's funny and accessible.
~By Johnny Knoxville ~
I don't think, 'Gee, I'd like to dress this person.' There was a picture in Us magazine. It was a jersey dress, and Courtney Love was wearing it. I have this thing about Courtney Love, this funny worship.
~By Marc Jacobs ~
On some level in acting, what you're trying to find is truth, because when it's true is when it's also funny.
~By David Hyde Pierce ~
A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
~By Ernest Hemingway ~
Sex is funny and love is serious.
~By Stephan Jenkins ~
Humor has historically been tied to the mores of the day. The Yellow Kid was predicated on what people thought was funny about the immigrant Irish. When you're different in a society, you're funny.
~By Will Eisner ~
All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead.
~By Will Ferrell ~
James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was.
~By Will Ferrell ~
I just couldn't go back to Suddenly Susan after David Strickland's suicide. I didn't see how we could make the show light and funny any more.
~By Judd Nelson ~
I like to have fun and be funny, but I'm much more of a thinker.
~By Keenen Ivory Wayans ~
Things that go on at Happy Times are very funny this year, and if you were watching last year, some of the people you saw then as basically extras emerge as real characters in their own right this season, at least to some degree.
~By Ellen Muth ~
I would do it today because the thing that appealed to me was not necessarily the mechanics of the robot, but it was his personality and how funny and charming he was.
~By John Badham ~
Chevy Chase and Bill Murray - we thought those guys were funny. We love Bill Murray, but we didn't think they were right for Airplane! because it would step on the joke if there was a known comedian.
~By David Zucker ~
It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body.
~By Satchel Paige ~
Who do I like? I am a big fan of French and Saunders - not that that they are particularly stand-up I have to say, but I think they have been great for women and they are of themselves just incredibly funny whether they are male or female.
~By Jo Brand ~
Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown.
~By Fanny Brice ~
There have been times when I felt suicidal and I would stop my head from going in that direction of negativity because I thought there'd be something I'd miss that was funny in the future. If there's a chance I'm going to laugh tomorrow then want to live to experience that.
~By Dave Navarro ~
Comedy is ridiculously hard. And if the rhythm is not right, if the music or the line is not right, it's not funny.
~By Julianne Moore ~
The funny thing about making this record and being away from the girls and on my own in LA is that it allowed me to reflect on how much we've accomplished.
~By Melanie Chisholm ~
Funny is when you're serious.
~By Harvey Korman ~
I made the choice long ago to write about real life. And life is both serious and funny.
~By Paula Danziger ~
They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?
~By Casey Stengel ~
Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.
~By Seth MacFarlane ~
The funny thing is, strangers still seem to feel comfortable coming up to me and saying things, but now usually it's because they recognize me, and they say nice things.
~By Todd Solondz ~
I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat.
~By Paris Hilton ~
I'm not so funny. Gilda was funny. I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. But she was funny. She spent more time worrying about being liked than anything else.
~By Gene Wilder ~
I never thought I'd live this long. It sounds funny because I still think of myself as a kid.
~By Larry Dixon ~
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
~By Mitch Hedberg ~
That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
~By Joe Rogan ~
Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good.
~By Howard Stern ~
I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.
~By Wanda Sykes ~
Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.
~By Drew Carey ~
Music is more difficult - try naming a political band. The Dead Kennedys. The Dead Kennedys are political, but they are more funny than they are political.
~By Thom Yorke ~
In the Netherlands I read the first chapter of Exquisite Corpse to an audience that laughed in all the places I thought were funny - an experience I've never had in America!
~By Poppy Z. Brite ~
If people want to compete for leadership of a religious group, they can compete in piety. A chilling thought. Or funny.
~By Mary Douglas ~
If I'm in something funny, I like to try and find some kind of serious line in it that people can relate to.
~By Ron Livingston ~
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is a form of service journalism. To be successful, I think it has to be a combination of a good story, it has to be funny, and it also needs to be packed with useful information.
~By Ted Allen ~
Johnny Rotten. He's a big fan of mine. I used to see him out in the audience in England and he'd stand up and holler. He's funny. Smart too, and a nice guy. Don't think he's a jerk because he isn't.
~By Don Van Vliet ~
I find it very easy playing Bond. I think he's hilarious. He gets himself into some extraordinarily funny situations.
~By Daniel Craig ~
Everything is so funny in the movie. The funniest thing about the movie is the transformations they were able to make with the characters.
~By Joe Viterelli ~
It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead your made for life.
~By Jimi Hendrix ~
Since she got a cause and stopped being funny. I think she's real funny, but lately it's all been hearts and flowers and tears and saving teenagers and creating a role model. And that ain't funny. No giggles there.
~By Andy Richter ~
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
~By Robert Frost ~
It's funny to me that people find other people getting coffee really interesting, or walking their dog in the dog park.
~By Jake Gyllenhaal ~
It's so funny whenever things come full circle.
~By Swoosie Kurtz ~
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