Jokes Quotes And Sayings

Quotes And Sayings About Jokes

Read This: Regret Quotes And Sayings

I try to exist in a world where there is freedom of opinion, where you're allowed to make jokes. I don't want to live in some PC world where no-one's allowed to say anything.
~By Boy George ~


A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes.
~By Zac Efron ~


We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
~By Fred Allen ~


I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
~By Dolly Parton ~


I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.
~By Samantha Bee ~


My dog was with me all the time. I talked to my dog. She was my best buddy. I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think I every really tried jokes out with the dog.
~By Cathy Guisewite ~


For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies.
~By Laurence Sterne ~


Times change. The farmer's daughter now tells jokes about the traveling salesman.
~By Carey Williams ~


Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.
~By Jim Fowler ~


It had more layers than an onion. These writers meant business. There was a level for everybody. Your major could be celestial mechanics, and there'd be celestial-mechanics jokes.
~By Billy West ~


There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.
~By Larry David ~


Everybody that's living in this earth is living in a situation. It's not narrow-minded to the point where everybody is serious and nobody has a personality. I think people die telling jokes.
~By Mike Epps ~


If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.
~By Bob Edwards ~


A civil servant doesn't make jokes.
~By Eugene Ionesco ~


The most fun I ever have is sitting in with Rick writing, and we laugh at our own jokes.
~By Adrian Edmondson ~


If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father.
~By Mary Todd Lincoln ~


It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
~By Wanda Sykes ~


People make jokes about how black people are the first ones to be killed off.
~By Sanaa Lathan ~


Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
~By George Eliot ~


They have what you call a black night where they have black people come in for just one night only to watch comedy, and you get all your local drug dealers, thugs, prostitutes, all of them come in, sit down, and listen to you tell jokes. They the hardest people to make laugh.
~By Mike Epps ~


I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.
~By Steve Harvey ~


It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter. Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than trying to make the English laugh.
~By Malcolm Muggeridge ~


I guess I'm like Roger Miller who used to say that he didn't have as many jokes as he thought he did.
~By Glen Campbell ~


In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.
~By Frank Dane ~


We were watching the first series recently, and it has a charm, a kind of amateur charm. At that point we didn't involve ourselves technically at all - we just messed about and told our jokes - and it looks a bit like that.
~By Jennifer Saunders ~


Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes.
~By Martin Short ~


It's the teenage and university crowd, so we give them lots of sex jokes and gross humour.
~By Keenen Ivory Wayans ~


I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
~By Will Rogers ~


Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes.
~By Aries Spears ~


Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.
~By Joel McHale ~


The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past. Look at Michael Jackson, he never evolved.
~By Corey Feldman ~


I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel.
~By James Humes ~


Perhaps our Irish friends should not so completely turn their backs on their historical dishes, no matter how many jokes they might have to endure.
~By Nick Clooney ~


This is our lance. See, you're making me laugh about this now, because there have been a few jokes on the set about what they actually look like. But, see, I personally think they'd be a great toy. So... just batteries aren't included.
~By Kevin Sorbo ~


All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
~By Mitch Hedberg ~


Well, there are conjoined twins in real life and we can tell a story about them so long as they're not the brunt of the jokes. In this, they're the heroes of this story; we love these guys.
~By Bobby Farrelly ~


The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.
~By David Letterman ~


My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.
~By Emo Philips ~


I can tell jokes. I can talk to the audience. I can relax. I can change my songs whenever I want. I can change the tempos. I can change the mood, because I'm in charge.
~By Robert Goulet ~


I never really was much of a practical jokester or anything.
~By Kristanna Loken ~


Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.
~By Stella Benson ~


In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with jokes when you're just hanging around.
~By David Cross ~


When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.
~By Megan Fox ~


I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.
~By Marilyn Monroe ~


My whole life, I've been telling jokes.
~By Brad Garrett ~


It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.
~By Brian P. Cleary ~


Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.
~By Washington Irving ~


Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.
~By Seth MacFarlane ~


You can't just yell jokes at people.
~By David Cross ~


A lot of the jokes had some build-up to some nasty stuff. But most of it was all character situations leading to what the ultimate payoff would be for that character.
~By Shawn Wayans ~


I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.
~By Drew Carey ~


I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.
~By Tim Vine ~


I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
~By Kathy Griffin ~


All the jokes in my films, the comedy, they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us.
~By Yahoo Serious ~


I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on.
~By Bob Woodward ~


I'm not a standup. I don't really have jokes. I don't have 10 minutes. It took a while for me to realize this.
~By Julia Sweeney ~


I don't think I could ever do a network sitcom because the humor is often based on some trite circumstance. I don't want to be a part of a show where it's mostly about coming up with the jokes.
~By Sherilyn Fenn ~


I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even common jokes as part of what I'm doing. I don't give a damn if half the audience walks out.
~By David Antin ~


I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.
~By Jensen Ackles ~


I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.
~By Tahar Ben Jelloun ~


The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
~By David Ogilvy ~


It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
~By Thomas Aquinas ~


Jokes are grievances.
~By Marshall McLuhan ~


You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.
~By Ron White ~


People make jokes about my bosoms, why don't they look underneath the breasts at the heart? It's obvious I've got big ones and if people want to assume they're not mine, then let them.
~By Dolly Parton ~


Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.
~By Robert Frost ~


When my mother died, I had to go on air that night and do jokes.
~By Graham Kennedy ~


The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies - we all get that.
~By Simon Pegg ~


I crack jokes and play games and that's really more my nature than being cold.
~By Bernhard Langer ~


My driver Kellie Frost and I would race these fellows home and they were always faster on the highway. We did the same with Daniel and his driver, and thus began a long series of jokes and competitions to alleviate the impossible hours and tensions this film provoked.
~By Madeleine Stowe ~


I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.
~By Sam Kinison ~


Don't make jokes about food.
~By David Lean ~


Everyone for the most part is really nice. There have always been jokes, but that's part of being in the spotlight. You can't make everyone completely happy.
~By Tina Yothers ~


It's not like we have a formula, but I think one of the reasons this show has survived is that it has a big heart at its center. Other cartoon shows have people crap on each other and make racist jokes. But I don't think people tune in for that. I just don't think a show lasts for 10 years without a heart.
~By Trey Parker ~


There's a glorious sense of freedom in comedy, just allowing myself to tell jokes, allowing myself to interrupt myself and tell old African folk stories that I made up - or didn't - and Jamaican stories.
~By Neil Gaiman ~


A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
~By George Eliot ~


I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.
~By Allan Sloan ~


I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
~By David Letterman ~


You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
~By Dylan Moran ~


Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know - they wouldn't get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they're watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn't say anything blatant.
~By Rue McClanahan ~


Most shows, you really have to force it. And everybody's nervous, and the network is nervous, and they've all got their notepads out, and they're all going to give notes on what they think is funny, and everybody's trying to spin their jokes, and this was so - the script was so good that we didn't have to really do anything, and it made it so easy for us to do well.
~By Will Arnett ~


Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.
~By Frank Muir ~


Remember, if you do the same act for 20, 30 years it gets a little boring unless you've got something else going for you... And the orchestra really kept you going. They'd laugh at all your jokes, even if they'd been hearing them for the last 30 years.
~By Donald O'Connor ~


I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.
~By Rainn Wilson ~


I have 40 years of unpublished material, the ones they don't pick, and the reason I don't redraw them or use them again is that I like to use my brain every day and come up with new jokes.
~By Sergio Aragones ~


When I make a book, I make it for the child and not for the parent - no jokes in it for the parents!
~By Dick Bruna ~


Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.
~By George Mikes ~


I'm from New York, I make kind of somewhat maybe lewd, at times - maybe some would say dirty - jokes. But in jest.
~By Sarah Michelle Gellar ~


I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.
~By Sandra Bernhard ~


I don't want to see people decorating a house or digging a garden. As for guys like Jonathan Ross, he got an award there last Christmas. What for? He doesn't sing, dance or tell jokes, does he?
~By Ian St. John ~


It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.
~By Mo Rocca ~


When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly - constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour. It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.
~By Evan Dando ~


Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.
~By Jackson Browne ~


Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy. He plays a lot of practical jokes.
~By Ashley Tisdale ~


A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.
~By Ludwig Wittgenstein ~


Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too.
~By Margaret Mahy ~


The thing about all good horror movies is that the fans expect a couple of inside jokes. Maybe I'm supposed to be saying how terrified I was while making it, but it was really fun.
~By Margot Kidder ~


Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.
~By Robert Collier ~


There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.
~By Mose Allison ~


I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character, the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.
~By Neil LaBute ~

Read This: Fool Quotes And Sayings
September 28 ,2022
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