They have what you call a black night where they have black people come in for just one night only to watch comedy, and you get all your local drug dealers, thugs, prostitutes, all of them come in, sit down, and listen to you tell jokes. They the hardest people to make laugh.
~By Mike Epps ~
Don't make jokes about food.
~By David Lean ~
I guess I'm like Roger Miller who used to say that he didn't have as many jokes as he thought he did.
~By Glen Campbell ~
I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on.
~By Bob Woodward ~
It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.
~By Brian P. Cleary ~
I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.
~By Sam Kinison ~
I've included these little jokes and mysteries in my writing for the amusement of readers.
~By Armistead Maupin ~
Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know - they wouldn't get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they're watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn't say anything blatant.
~By Rue McClanahan ~
It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
~By Thomas Aquinas ~
I'm from New York, I make kind of somewhat maybe lewd, at times - maybe some would say dirty - jokes. But in jest.
~By Sarah Michelle Gellar ~
I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.
~By Jensen Ackles ~
My driver Kellie Frost and I would race these fellows home and they were always faster on the highway. We did the same with Daniel and his driver, and thus began a long series of jokes and competitions to alleviate the impossible hours and tensions this film provoked.
~By Madeleine Stowe ~
I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.
~By Drew Carey ~
There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.
~By Larry David ~
One of the jokes on our flight is that, if we have a normal entry day going, the plan is for me... to actually take the orbiter first and fly it for maybe 10 or 15 seconds and then hand it on over to Scooter.
~By Duane G. Carey ~
I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.
~By Tahar Ben Jelloun ~
Most jokes state a bitter truth.
~By Larry Gelbart ~
Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.
~By Jim Fowler ~
There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.
~By Mose Allison ~
Almost anything makes me laugh, especially jokes at my own expense. And I will never, ever admit to being ticklish anywhere.
~By Judd Nelson ~
Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.
~By Robert Collier ~
You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
~By Dylan Moran ~
Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes, the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them.
~By John Lasseter ~
I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel.
~By James Humes ~
People make jokes about how black people are the first ones to be killed off.
~By Sanaa Lathan ~
You can trust a Neil Simon script. Every dot. Every dash; that pause means something. He takes all the jokes out, practically.
~By Hector Elizondo ~
My dog was with me all the time. I talked to my dog. She was my best buddy. I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think I every really tried jokes out with the dog.
~By Cathy Guisewite ~
Jokes are grievances.
~By Marshall McLuhan ~
One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes.
~By Desi Arnaz ~
I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.
~By Mitch Hedberg ~
I don't think I could ever do a network sitcom because the humor is often based on some trite circumstance. I don't want to be a part of a show where it's mostly about coming up with the jokes.
~By Sherilyn Fenn ~
This is our lance. See, you're making me laugh about this now, because there have been a few jokes on the set about what they actually look like. But, see, I personally think they'd be a great toy. So... just batteries aren't included.
~By Kevin Sorbo ~
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
~By Fred Allen ~
But it's fun to be something, have that, and you don't have to be real. It's like, comedians. They go on and they're doing all these jokes. I would be like that if I were more awake.
~By Parker Posey ~
I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.
~By Steve Harvey ~
Remember, if you do the same act for 20, 30 years it gets a little boring unless you've got something else going for you... And the orchestra really kept you going. They'd laugh at all your jokes, even if they'd been hearing them for the last 30 years.
~By Donald O'Connor ~
My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.
~By Carrot Top ~
We were watching the first series recently, and it has a charm, a kind of amateur charm. At that point we didn't involve ourselves technically at all - we just messed about and told our jokes - and it looks a bit like that.
~By Jennifer Saunders ~
A civil servant doesn't make jokes.
~By Eugene Ionesco ~
If you were on the phone with me and Tommy right now, we would probably forget you were there, we'd just be cracking jokes. It's like Beavis and Butthead.
~By Nikki Sixx ~
I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
~By David Letterman ~
A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
~By George Eliot ~
I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.
~By Mark Russell ~
It's the teenage and university crowd, so we give them lots of sex jokes and gross humour.
~By Keenen Ivory Wayans ~
Everyone for the most part is really nice. There have always been jokes, but that's part of being in the spotlight. You can't make everyone completely happy.
~By Tina Yothers ~
Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.
~By George Mikes ~
It's not like we have a formula, but I think one of the reasons this show has survived is that it has a big heart at its center. Other cartoon shows have people crap on each other and make racist jokes. But I don't think people tune in for that. I just don't think a show lasts for 10 years without a heart.
~By Trey Parker ~
Well, there are conjoined twins in real life and we can tell a story about them so long as they're not the brunt of the jokes. In this, they're the heroes of this story; we love these guys.
~By Bobby Farrelly ~
If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.
~By Bob Edwards ~
Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy. He plays a lot of practical jokes.
~By Ashley Tisdale ~
When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly - constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour. It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.
~By Evan Dando ~
Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.
~By Stella Benson ~
Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.
~By Joel McHale ~
I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.
~By Allan Sloan ~
The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
~By David Ogilvy ~
I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.
~By Rainn Wilson ~
I love the idea that we put in jokes the kids don't get. And that later, when they grow up and read a few books and go to college and watch the show again, they can get it on a completely different level.
~By Matt Groening ~
The most casual examination will reveal the fact that all the jokes about the horrible results of masculine cooking and sewing are written by men. It is all part of a great scheme of sex propaganda.
~By Heywood Broun ~
I try to exist in a world where there is freedom of opinion, where you're allowed to make jokes. I don't want to live in some PC world where no-one's allowed to say anything.
~By Boy George ~
I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
~By Kathy Griffin ~
I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.
~By Samantha Bee ~
When I make a book, I make it for the child and not for the parent - no jokes in it for the parents!
~By Dick Bruna ~
The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.
~By David Letterman ~
The storyboard artists job is to plan out shot for shot the whole show, write all the dialog, and decide the mood, action, jokes, pacing, etc of every scene.
~By Craig McCracken ~
Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.
~By Jackson Browne ~
I'm definitely the worker. My brother is the jokester.
~By Taryn Manning ~
The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past. Look at Michael Jackson, he never evolved.
~By Corey Feldman ~
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
~By Mitch Hedberg ~
When my mother died, I had to go on air that night and do jokes.
~By Graham Kennedy ~
It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.
~By Mo Rocca ~
You can't just yell jokes at people.
~By David Cross ~
There's a glorious sense of freedom in comedy, just allowing myself to tell jokes, allowing myself to interrupt myself and tell old African folk stories that I made up - or didn't - and Jamaican stories.
~By Neil Gaiman ~
I guess my idea of a good audience is one that's quiet and listens, but also that's alive: they respond, they're getting the jokes, they're with me. And that' s been happening.
~By Dan Hicks ~
The most fun I ever have is sitting in with Rick writing, and we laugh at our own jokes.
~By Adrian Edmondson ~
I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.
~By Tim Vine ~
You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.
~By Ron White ~
Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes.
~By Aries Spears ~
I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character, the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.
~By Neil LaBute ~
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.
~By Emo Philips ~
I never really was much of a practical jokester or anything.
~By Kristanna Loken ~
I crack jokes and play games and that's really more my nature than being cold.
~By Bernhard Langer ~
Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.
~By Rob Corddry ~
I feel that after all those horrible reviews and jokes, I wasn't crazy all these years to stand up for the music I believe in. This album has proven that somewhere in the human race, the human heart is still racing and breaking and I am so grateful.
~By Barry Manilow ~
I don't want to see people decorating a house or digging a garden. As for guys like Jonathan Ross, he got an award there last Christmas. What for? He doesn't sing, dance or tell jokes, does he?
~By Ian St. John ~
Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.
~By Frank Muir ~
Perhaps our Irish friends should not so completely turn their backs on their historical dishes, no matter how many jokes they might have to endure.
~By Nick Clooney ~
Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too.
~By Margaret Mahy ~
I have 40 years of unpublished material, the ones they don't pick, and the reason I don't redraw them or use them again is that I like to use my brain every day and come up with new jokes.
~By Sergio Aragones ~
Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.
~By Seth MacFarlane ~
The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies - we all get that.
~By Simon Pegg ~
Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
~By George Eliot ~
A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.
~By Ludwig Wittgenstein ~
It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter. Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than trying to make the English laugh.
~By Malcolm Muggeridge ~
Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.
~By Washington Irving ~
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
~By Dolly Parton ~
It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
~By Wanda Sykes ~
When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.
~By Megan Fox ~
A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes.
~By Zac Efron ~
I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.
~By Marilyn Monroe ~
I'm not a standup. I don't really have jokes. I don't have 10 minutes. It took a while for me to realize this.
~By Julia Sweeney ~
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